उफ़, ये काले बादल! Oh, these black clouds

Seema is my childhood friend from Giridih district of Jharkhand. She was born into a family of laborers. Her father works in a factory. Everyone was happy about her birth, except for her grandfather. He wanted a grandson. Instead a granddaughter was born whose complexion was a little dark.. That was also a reason her grandfather despised her. He was all the more upset thinking that getting Seema’s marriage won't be easy because of her color. It is like the hindi proverb “Before inhabiting the village, fearing the robbers would attack, the people are afraid to settle down.”

Seema’s grandfather did not accept his granddaughter as a family member for many months. He never embraced Seema lovingly. Seema’s mother could understand and one day she lifted Seema and kept her on her grandfather’s lap. Since that day he has tried to accept Seema the way she looked. After sometime they welcomed Seema’s two younger brothers and since then her grandfather was happy and satisfied to have two grandsons as well. Seema spent her entire childhood with the burden that she is a girl. She was a girl of few words and even her family did not encourage her to speak much.

Seema was a bright student and got good results. Whenever her exam results came her grandfather said, “It would have been good if you were born as the son of the family”. She always heard her grandfather stating the same statement to her, but she could never really understand the meaning behind it. She always smiled and went away from there. Seema believed that her family would always take the right decision for her. She obeyed and never counter questioned them on it. Seema’s grandmother always taught her that she should walk with her eyes low, even if no crime was committed. She obeyed the same as she has always seen her aunt doing the same in the house. She had seen how her aunt, till the time she was unmarried, had to bear the dignity and honor of her father and brother’s turban and now after her marriage she is liable and bears the same responsibility for her husband.

Seema’s parents had expectations that their sons would take the responsibility of the family and Seema would do the same in her in-law’s house. But Seema had other dreams for herself. She wanted to become an independant woman. She desired to earn and buy a phone for herself. She wanted to contribute to the earnings of the family. When Seema was in class 8th she gave tuitions and took care of her own tuition expenses. No matter how bad the financial conditions were at home her family never stopped her from completing her education. Seema’s mother was a very liberal woman so she knew the value of education and wanted her children to acquire the same, as she herself was married at a very young age and had seen the hardships.

Seema grew up in the Sahu community where if a girl pursues love marriage, then the rest of the daughters have to try to convince the family to permit them to continue with their studies. If the family permits then it was good, otherwise they could only step out of the house after they got married.

One day, when Seema was about to finish her class eighth, on her way to tuition, she met a woman who informed her about the opening of a tech center where they will be teaching computer courses to the girls for free. The very next day Seema went to fill the form with her friends. Everyone was very excited. They also got to know that the Didi (Teacher) who will be teaching them belongs to Seema’s village, this information was an icing on the cake for the girls. It took a few days to shortlist the girls for the computer class and they were told that the shortlisted students will receive a call. Seema was ill when she received the call, but after knowing that she had been selected for the course she was full of energy and her eyes were filled with dreams. The only expectation Seema had from the computer class was that she would only go there to learn computers.

FAT Organization’s tech center is such a place which helps the girls to overcome the fear of technology. They are trained to work on computers. Most of the women are not even allowed to change a simple bulb at home, and if accidently the bulb breaks, they are scolded, “Told you not to do it but you don’t listen. From now on don’t touch it, it’s not your cup of tea”. Tech center is the place where if a girl is not able to do anything or has attempted but failed, at first, the agenda was to see what she was trying to work on? The girls face certain restrictions at home, where they are unable to express openly, but the center is a platform for them where they can whole-heartedly express their joy, happiness, sadness without any restrictions.

We are young, and during puberty we go through a lot of physical changes, and no one in the family wants to address them or have a conversation about it, because of which we are frightened. But at the center, there is space to talk about these challenges and our inhibitions because of which we don’t feel scared and we are able to adapt and understand. If any of us are having any trouble or confusion we can talk about the same and we get to find the solutions to it and not fear it. Here in the center none of them belong to the same family, they don’t know each other well, but with the passing of time Seema made her own bonds with everyone.

People say that the girls were jealous of each other but that is not the case in the center. Here there are no restrictions or jealousy. They know how to respect each other. Here in the center we work on the leadership skills and enhance the potential of these young women. The girls are provided with information on a wide range of issues in the center such as patriarchy, sexuality, negotiations are taught to them, with the view that these girls can live freely, can fight against suppression in the society, and also they can show their potentiality. This is what Seema wanted in life. Now she is evolving and she needs this platform. Now she is trying to understand her family and make them understand her views. She also questions her grandfather and also answers him back taking a stand for herself. She has transformed; she is not the old Seema. She now speaks at the center; she participates in all the activities.

Now Seema is independent she also steps out of the house on her own, she has the confidence which she was lacking earlier. The more I talk about the center it’s not enough, “It’s like the girls were thirsty and didn’t have water. Center is the water which came to the girls”. Seema also worked hard for it. She actively participated in every event of the center and inculcated the learnings in her day to day life. On the other hand, her father often remained ill and it became difficult for them to run the house. In the meantime, Seema got an internship from the center and she used the earnings to fulfill the necessities of the house.

Everything was organized and moving smoothly but a turning point was waiting to make things difficult for Seema once again. The girls were supposed to go on a trip to Patna from the center after 15 days, they were very excited as they had never been out without their families and this was the first time when they all had an opportunity to travel with friends. The families had given permission too and everything was organized and they were set to go. All of a sudden there was news that a virus called “CORONA” has started to spread rapidly. It had already started to spread in Bihar due to which it was not safe for them to travel to Patna and so the plan had to be canceled. Hearing the news the girls were sad “It was like someone brought a GolGappa near their mouth and snatched it away”.

Then came the Janta Curfew, (curfew for a day). It was said that this curfew will help to stop the virus from spreading. Soon the lockdown was extended for 15 days. Everything was closed, schools, colleges, even the center. The prices of goods soar up in the market. It was so quick that people were not able to cope up with the situation. Somehow those 15 days were manageable but Seema’s father started to worry how to run the house if the situation remains the same?

All of a sudden, the phone bell rang and it was a call from Seema’s father. While talking to him Seema could sense that he was feeling weak and helpless and he needed her support. But Seema’s father belongs to a society where they do not take help from daughters.

At the same time, FAT had started a campaign “CORONA NAHI KARUNA”. Seema started to actively participate in the campaign. The agenda was to create a space where all the information about Coronavirus was shared, where young girls could talk to each other, express their feelings, what kind of rumors are spreading, what all are the problems being faced and its solution. These girls were actively participating in distribution of ration and also were constantly addressing the problem of rumors.

Where during this pandemic everything was under lockdown the needs of the people were constant, but people were lacking in resources to fulfill their daily needs. The people had no source of income. They had no ration in the house. Meantime a lot of schemes were in the process to help the affected ones. Seema had information about the same and also, she was enthusiastic to help them. Seema helped a lot of people to get the ration, even her own family was suffering. FAT helped her through their “COVID RELIEF FUND'' scheme. Seema and her family were under fear as her half family was in Mumbai and the rest were staying in the village. Everyone was worried about the wellbeing of their family members. People were not able to go out of the house, they were confined within the four walls, lethargic and drowning in their thoughts but no one knew what they were thinking about.

This lockdown has a positive effect on Seema’s life. Her family has started to understand her. Now she has started working from home. Earlier when her family members used to fight among themselves they moved away from each other and not resolved their fights. Now everyone is staying at home. So even if they had a fight, they would resolve it then and there. Once Seema’s mother and aunt picked up a fight. Before the lockdown when her aunt came to visit them, her mother would go away or not come in front of her aunt and vice versa. Once during the lockdown Seema’s aunt visited them as she stayed nearby. Seema’s mother did not like to wear a mask so she often stayed at home. When her aunt visited, she served them food and looked after them and the fight was resolved. Still the problem was not resolved completely. The misconception they had about each other remained. They put allegations against each other. No one was ready to listen to the other.

Each one only wanted to prove herself correct. Seema intervened and told them that one person should speak at a time. No one should speak in between. She listened to both the sides and drew a conclusion. Seema was young. Why would the elders listen to her? She logically made them understand the situation and asked if she was right or not.

In 2019 if people were told to stay indoors for a whole day no one would have liked it. But today the situation is such that people are forced to stay indoors for months together. What is the state of mind of the people? I can understand maybe because I am also in the same situation. Each day people live in fear. As one day passes, we feel how safe we were and again the next morning the same fear comes back. Maybe I am not able to express my state of mind in words but all around there is hopelessness and sadness. One does not feel close to the dear ones. There is no smile on any one’s lips. One can only hope for these black clouds to disappear soon.

The only thing I liked about the lockdown was the birds flying in the sky without any fear. When I go to the terrace the chirping of birds is so soothing to my ears. My every morning starts with the chirping of birds and with the satisfaction that during this lockdown there is someone who is happy and is with their near and dear ones.